I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's the barista slut.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
