We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
