i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
