He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
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gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
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Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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