Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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