I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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