so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
