who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
