3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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