someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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