well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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