Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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