So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
