I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
