why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
