she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
