Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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