I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't deserve a penis
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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