Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Houston, we have a blender
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
