Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
