is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
