If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
