i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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