So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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