Christians are straight up FREAKS
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
