Sry I called you an 8
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
