Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
