So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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