I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
