Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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