You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
