What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
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We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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