I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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