I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
