covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
