Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My ass is underappreciated
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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