so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
