um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
