She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So vagazzling was a success
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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