perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
