Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
