At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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