Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
