At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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