Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
