I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
