i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Randomize
