physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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