If you die in college, do you die in real life?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
