its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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