Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
