i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
