I'm lost and stupid without you.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
this boner is exhausting
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
