I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
