Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
