I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
