alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
