just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
