EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
